I've been wanting to write this post for quite some time ...it's been on my heart and now I finally got the courage enough to do so. So here it goes...
Marriage is and can be a beautiful thing when it is done in God's timing. So many times us as women are in such a hurry to be someone's "Mrs" that we fail to ask God what does He want...who does He have saved for me? We end up missing out on God's blessing because to us He is not moving fast enough, and then we end up settling. We settle based on comfort and familiarity. He may be your high school sweetheart, you may have a child together, or you've been together for while, you don't want to be alone or start over with someone else....but is he the guy that God chose for you? Another question...are you supposed to be married? Yes, it's not an easy pill to swallow. But with all that being said, there are just certain qualities and standards that your future mate should possess. Love and being in love is great...but it's not enough to make a good mate. I'm just being real!
As Tina Turner would say "What's love got to do with it?" Just kidding!
To my engaged, future engaged and single ladies, I am by no means an expert. What I say is not the end all. But as a married woman, I feel these few thoughts and questions may help someone make the right decision. I'm still learning myself! There are a ton of aspects on marriage to consider and to really think about. I wanted to share the qualities that are most important to me. This post is just the scratching the surface but here are a few things you should look for in a future husband...
Being equally yoked
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Yes he may of grew up in the church. Maybe his dad is a minister. He goes to church every now and then. He'll show up a few Sundays to keep you quiet for a while.That's good enough right? Wrong! If you want a man of God...that is exactly what he should be...a man of God. Does he have a true relationship with God? Just because you both believe in the same thing doesn't necessarily mean you are equally yoked, that is an extreme misconception. His relationship with God should be evident. Does he pray? Does he go to bible study? Is he active in the church or community? Is he constantly trying to pursue God? Does he truly want to get closer to God not just you.
What are his future plans and goals?
Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
A man without a plan or goal is dangerous! He can't possibly lead you anywhere if he doesn't know where he's going. He should have some sense of direction.Is he a leader? Is he actively pursuing his goals? Are his goals positive? Is he focused or consistent? Is he going to school? Does he ever want to own a home?Where does he see you and him in the future. Does he want to have a family? You have to discuss theses things together. Your plans and goals should line up together. If one wants to live in New York but the other one wants to move to Arizona...would one of you compromise?
Finances and Work Ethic
Once you're married his finances are your finances. His debt is your debt. Whether it's good or bad, his current financial situation can greatly effect you once you jump the broom. Can he provide for you?Is he a saver or a spender? Is he cheap or sensible? Does he pay his bills on time? What are his priorities? If he spends his money on top dollar rims before his car insurance, that is a problem. You both should discuss things from life insurance to health insurance. And let's face it, the economy is rough. Of course God is our provider but what would be his plan of attack when the money gets tight? You want someone who can hold on to a respectable job. Unless he's on a career path, jumping from job to job often shows instability. Financial security is vital.
Appearance and Self care
It may sound superficial but let's be honest, we all would like someone that is easy on the eye. Now it's important not to get carried away with this....you know... he has to be 6'2 , dark with muscles kinda thing. You can miss out on your blessing by being too picky. But a well groomed man shows that he takes pride and respects himself. Does he get a hair cut regularly? Is he clean? How does he dress? Does he exercise? Does he smoke or drink? His upkeep represents his out look on life. When you're married, you are joined as one, so how he carries himself is a representation of you.
Character/Personality
Proverbs 22:1
A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.
Is he faithful?
Is he honest? Trustworthy?
Is he responsible?
Does possess moral integrity?
Does he believe in abstinence or celibacy?
Is he a man of his word?
Ugh there is nothing worse than someone who says they're going to do something and it results in no follow through. Something as simple as him saying he's going to pick up some dinner and he doesn't, can make your skin crawl. Sounds minor but it can greatly affect your future and cause years of frustration and disappointment. Further along in life it could potentially be something more major such as a mortgage payment. Consistency is what to look out for. Is he giving, or patient, ambitious, kind. Is he outgoing or more laid back? Does he like going out a lot or would he rather rent a movie and relax at home. How does he treat his mother or family?How does he treat YOU...in AND out of public? You have to decide what characteristics are most important and pray on it. What you want is not always whats best for you. Pray to get what you NEED.
All the questions and concerns you have with each other should be discussed PRIOR and DURING the engagement. That can really help prevent a future disaster. Seeing a pastor or counselor for premarital counseling is crucial. Many pastors make it mandatory in order to marry.
In conclusion, stay prayerful. Ask God to reveal to you what He wants you know about your potential mate. Any doubt or uncertainty in any area of the relationship that you have, take it to God. You never I repeat never settle when you know things aren't right. It may not be the right time to marry him or he may not be the right one. Only you can decipher your limits or deal breakers.
Remember,no one is perfect, we all have flaws, but there are certain aspects and characteristics that he should uphold. Most likely what he does now is what he will do when you're married. Everything intensifies. It is not your job to change a man! It is only God who can change the heart. Pray for your future husband while you wait.
And ladies let's not forget what sense is it to have a long list of qualities that you yourself do not posses. Be what you desire to have!
One love!
Courtney aka The Odd Black Girl
Photo by Sarah Bridgeman
https://www.facebook.com/sj.bridgeman.photography
