Why it was dope to be a young black girl in 90's

Growing up as adolescent in the 1990's was awesome. Television was great, the toys were legendary and the theme songs and jingles were constantly embedded into my brain. But one thing that stood out during that era was "us." Black girls were depicted in such a positive light. There was a sense of pride, happiness and lightheartedness that exuded through our television sets.  There were so many products, songs, and characters a young African-American girl could relate to. So let’s take a brief journey with me back down memory lane as I dig up all the gems that brought me so much joy as a kid. Maybe for you too!

Before you say yes

I've been wanting to write this post for quite some time ...it's been on my heart and now I finally got the courage enough to do so. So here it goes...


Marriage is and can be a beautiful thing when it is done in God's timing. So many times us as women are in such a hurry to be someone's "Mrs" that we fail to ask God what does He want...who does He have saved for me? We end up missing out on God's blessing because to us He is not moving fast enough, and then we end up settling. We settle based on comfort and familiarity. He may be your high school sweetheart, you may have a child together, or you've been together for while, you don't want to be alone or start over with someone else....but is he the guy that God chose for you? Another question...are you supposed to be married? Yes, it's not an easy pill to swallow. But with all that being said, there are just certain qualities and standards that your future mate should possess. Love and being in love is great...but it's not enough to make a good mate. I'm just being real!

As Tina Turner would say "What's love got to do with it?" Just kidding!

To my engaged, future engaged and single ladies, I am by no means an expert. What I say is not the end all. But as a married woman, I feel these few thoughts and questions may help someone make the right decision.  I'm still learning myself! There are a ton of aspects on marriage to consider and to really think about.  I wanted to share the qualities that are most important to me.  This post is just the scratching the surface but here are a few things  you should look for in a future husband...

Being equally yoked


2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?


Yes he may of grew up in the church. Maybe his dad is a minister. He goes to church every now and then. He'll show up a few Sundays to keep you quiet for a while.That's good enough right? Wrong! If you want a man of God...that is exactly what he should be...a man of God.  Does he have a true relationship with God?  Just because you both believe in the same thing doesn't necessarily mean you are equally yoked, that is an extreme misconception. His relationship with God should be evident. Does he pray? Does he go to bible study? Is he active in the church or community? Is he constantly trying to pursue God? Does he truly want to get closer to God not just you.


What are his future plans and goals?

Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.
 
A man without a plan or goal is dangerous! He can't possibly lead you anywhere if he doesn't know where he's going. He should have some sense of direction.Is he a leader? Is he actively pursuing his goals? Are his goals positive? Is he focused or consistent? Is he going to school? Does he ever want to own a home?Where does he see you and him in the future. Does he want to have a family? You have to discuss theses things together. Your plans and goals should line up together. If one wants to live in New York but the other one wants to move to Arizona...would one of you compromise?



Finances and Work Ethic

Once you're married his finances are your finances. His debt is your debt. Whether it's good or bad, his current financial situation can greatly effect you once you jump the broom. Can he provide for you?Is he a saver or a spender? Is he cheap or sensible? Does he pay his bills on time? What are his priorities? If he spends his money on top dollar rims before his car insurance, that is a problem. You both should discuss things from life insurance to health insurance. And let's face it, the economy is rough. Of course God is our provider but what would be his plan of attack when the money gets tight?  You want someone who can hold on to a respectable job. Unless he's on a career path, jumping from job to job often shows instability. Financial security is vital.


Appearance and Self care

It may sound superficial but let's be honest, we all would like someone that is easy on the eye. Now it's important not to get carried away with this....you know... he has to be 6'2 , dark with muscles kinda thing. You can miss out on your blessing by being too picky. But a well groomed man shows that he takes pride and respects himself. Does he get a hair cut regularly? Is he clean? How does he dress? Does he exercise? Does he smoke or drink?  His upkeep represents his out look on life. When you're married, you are joined as one, so how he carries himself is a representation of you.



Character/Personality 

Proverbs 22:1
A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.


Is he faithful? 
Is he honest? Trustworthy?
Is he responsible?
Does possess moral integrity?
Does he believe in abstinence or celibacy? 
Is he a man of his word?
Ugh there is nothing worse than someone who says they're going to do something and it results in no follow through. Something as simple as him saying he's going to pick up some dinner and he doesn't, can make your skin crawl. Sounds minor but it can greatly affect your future and cause years of frustration and disappointment. Further along in life  it could potentially be something more major such as a mortgage payment. Consistency is what to look out for. Is he giving, or patient, ambitious, kind. Is he outgoing or more laid back? Does he like going out a lot or would he rather rent a movie and relax at home.  How does he treat his mother or family?How does he treat YOU...in AND out of public? You have to decide what characteristics are most important and pray on it. What you want is not always whats best for you. Pray to get what you NEED.

All the questions and concerns you have with each other should be discussed  PRIOR and DURING the engagement. That can really help prevent a future disaster. Seeing a pastor or counselor for premarital counseling is crucial. Many pastors make it mandatory in order to marry.

In conclusion, stay prayerful. Ask God to reveal to you what He wants you know about your potential mate. Any doubt  or uncertainty in any area of the relationship that you have, take it to God. You never I repeat never settle when you know things aren't right. It may not be the right time to marry him or he may not be the right one. Only you can decipher your limits or deal breakers.

Remember,no one is perfect, we all have flaws, but there are certain aspects and characteristics that he should uphold. Most likely what he does now is what he will do when you're married. Everything intensifies. It is not your job to change a man! It is only God who can change the heart. Pray for your future husband while you wait.

And ladies let's not forget what sense is it to have a long list of qualities that you yourself do not posses. Be what you desire to have!

One love!

Courtney aka The Odd Black Girl


Photo by Sarah Bridgeman
https://www.facebook.com/sj.bridgeman.photography

The Black Introvert: REVAMPED!!

Throughout my entire childhood I was quiet. An introverted black girl that is. Nothing dramatic or tragic happened in my life to be that way. Shocking to some, that's just who I was; and for the most part who I am today.

I was always teased by peers for my introverted ways.They had no problem constantly bringing it to my attention. I can still hear it now, the comments from teachers,classmates,or others making statements like "Courtney's too quiet" or asking me "Why are you so quiet?" Did there really have to be a reason? The sarcastic flare inside me desired to rebuttal "Why do you talk so much?" or "Just let me be!"

The Struggle: I was a nerd when nerds weren't cool

It's trendy to be a nerd. Some would even call it sexy. A girl whose into comics, batman and cosplay nowadays is considered cool. These are now more socially accepted interests and pastimes. More and more people are "adopting" the nerd culture. Even celebrities like Kanye West and Chris Brown are sporting the non-prescription nerd glasses and preppy sweaters.... people wearing X-men shirts but can't name the characters on it.Sorry I had to say it. But for some us.... we were nerds way before it was cool. It was never a fashion statement or a fad but always a lifestyle....and still is.

No Pity Party for you!

It's so easy to get caught up in social networks...Facebook....Instagram...Twitter. Sometimes it "seems" as if  everyone is doing better than you and progressing in life. People are either getting married, having great friendships, families and relationships, living out their dreams, taking exotic trips, gaining and keeping popularity, losing weight, staying beautiful, dreams coming true etc. And that demon I like to call "comparison" creeps up on you and here comes pity party train. Most people would never admit they've ever felt this way. This is all do to pride and not wanting to appear insecure or jealous aka "hating."

But c'mon we have all felt that way some point. We tend to forget sometimes that people reveal what they want you see on these sites....the glorified parts of their life. That's right... parts.....meaning their whole life is not glitz, glamour and happiness all the time. Not to mention the fantasy world that Internet users create. Do not fall for it! We all have struggles and daily challenges. But sometimes you just need to sign off, log off or deactivate for a little while and connect with "real" life.

Buffalo Comic-Con 2013

From the very first moment I heard Comic-Con was coming to Buffalo, I immediately purchased my ticket. Surprisingly to most, this was my very first Comic-Con I ever attended. (Yes people I'm a rookie)But I had a blast! It was so refreshing to be surrounded by others who share the same interests. You had the nerdy, the geeky,the eccentric and everyone in between. In addition, various people from all ages, genders, races and walks of life.Believe me,comics aren't just loved by guys,us girls dig it too!

Stormtroopers

Being black and blonde: My thoughts and experience

African-American women have been going blonde for decades. Etta James, Beyonce, Mary J. Blidge, NeNe Leakes, Doroetha Towels are just a few of the sista's that have taken the blonde look and transformed it into their trademark. It's sassy, it definitely turns heads and not to mention it's fun. But not everyone is a fan. In particular black people. Who can get a little too deep and resentful when it comes to a black woman deciding to dye her hair blonde. What is the big deal? I'm glad you asked...

Dorothea Towels (model)

My rant: I can't just "get over it"

I wrote this post a month and a half ago.I was a little reluctant to "share" this but I decided go ahead and be brave. First off I'll start by saying I'm proud to be black. Our people have created and cultivated this country.Our culture has it's perks. We are beautiful, strong, creative and God fearing. We are also the most imitated race. Our style, music, and culture as a whole. Yet with all it's beauty comes an ugly side. Living everyday as an African American can be down right daunting.

Quick take on Emeli Sande's Our Version of Events

 Emeli Sande is an artist I cannot stop talking about. Whether I'm straightening up the house or practicing dance, I always have this album playing in heavy rotation. If you're like me, you tend to like the underdogs, which in my opinion, Emeli is. She is so unbelievably gifted and unique. A real stand out artist.

Our Version of Events is an album that should definitely be in your music arsenal.

My 13 most biggest pet peeves

We all have things that just get under our skin....and it can be the most simplest minuscule thing. Nothing at all earth shaking or deep. Even with a patient spirit, that pet peeve may not be annoying to some but that "thing" drives you insane!  I sat and really thought about it. It was very challenging to just narrow these down to 13. Why 13? Because the typical 10 just wasn't enough. 

5 cheesy 80's movie soundtrack songs I'm not ashamed to admit I like

Yes they may be cheesy to some...... well .....maybe many. But we all need a little nostalgia every now and then. Movies back in day had songs that really made the film. You know the lyrics and the timing of the dramatic music behind the lyrics. They bring a smile to my face and maybe yours too. It's the songs that some still play to get motivated, to workout or to even break out in a dance. Either way I'm not afraid to admit I like them. Are you?

Sho'nuff from The Last Dragon

Nerdy sista and the mainstream sista: Can we connect? From the black nerd's prospective

Let me start out by saying I'm not writing this post because I am uncomfortable with my individuality but to see if there is any one that has had this feeling and or experience.

You ever been in a store, waiting in line to be cashed out and there are a few sistas in line with you, your phone goes off and Led Zeppelin's is on your ringtone? You get the scuffs, the look of confusion or maybe disgust? Why on earth would this black chick have rock music as a ringtone? This girl is lost! She thinks she's white. All this coming from another sista?

Sadly, I have experienced all thee above............

Happy Independence Day :Wonder Woman inspired makeup look!

In celebration of Independence Day I had to do something festive with my makeup (just for fun). I always wanted to a rendition of my girl Wonder Woman also known as Diana of Themyscira. A warrior princess of the Amazon. This heroine represents strength and fights for justice! So I put my own edgy spin to this look . Enjoy!

Picture of inspiration

Star Sapphire inspired makeup look

I came across this picture of one of DC Comics supervillains Star Sapphire. She definitely rocks! I was so inspired by the beautiful colors. I dug into my makeup collection and created my own interpretation of this look. So here is a real quick post on what I came up with. Hope you enjoy!

Let's be real :Why are sista's so hard on eachother: My rant

Now we know in reality that women sometimes have a rather difficult time getting along whether it be in the work place or a social setting. As you can see from the picture there is a Caucasian woman and a African American women. "It doesn't make you less of a woman to give another woman a compliment." But in my opinion and in my personal experience black woman have the hardest time doing this.

Disclaimer: I know this isn't the case for ALL black women and can have cultivating relationships but in retrospect this odd black girl thinks its sadly very prevalent specifically among black women.

I am sure you all seen tons and tons of articles,  the videos and the and debates on how critical black women can be on each other. This may not pertain to ALL sistas but I feel as though its' a major and rather unnecessary issue in the black community.

Well I want to give my personal opinion on the subject.

The Assumption of the Meek Spirit

If you follow my blog, which may I add  many of should do I did a post a few months back called "The Black Introvert" discussing the stereotypes and personality traits that society thinks we are supposed to naturally have.

Well I'm going to dig a little deeper and take a more general approach on laid back personality which in most cases tend to be misunderstood.

Some people tend to usually think calm people:

Lack strength

Lack knowledge 

Lack power

Not go-getters

Get lost in the mix

Easily shaken and broken

In my personal experience, people tend to make their own assumptions about a person, when they just can't quite figure you out. Calm, quiet and laid back people usually assume they are homebodies, not assertive or sociable, can't handle the attacks of the enemy.  So not true at all! Ahhhh the ignorance.......

Some people are just more subtle on how they approach or attack a situation. No not being "sneaky" but by being quiet and strong in their faith.

A quiet person, may not always be in the forefront for everyone to see or voice "I'm doing this, that and that for the Lord!"   They could very well be ministering to someone by making a phone call to someone who is hurting, listening to them or just simply smiling  at someone on the street. That's ministry.

That's how creative my God is. He uses our gifts, talents, character and personality to bring others to His kingdom.

I always loved the quote "Meekness is not weakness but strength controlled." There is so much power in being quiet and letting God move.

Me being quiet waiting on God.There is strength in silence. Meek spirit.

Honestly I think some of us get caught up in business...ripping and running and never take the time out to listen to the voice of God.

 

 

1 Peter 3:3-4

 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

With that being said, a calm meek spirit doesn't mean a weak disposition. Glorifying Him isn't always glamorous,it won't always require pomp and circumstance, or a public service announcement for the whole world to hear and see. A gentle spirit can still be bold and tenacious.....yet still subtle with their method. Never underestimate the blessings that are done behind the scenes.


Be blessed!

 

Ode to Alvin Ailey’s Revelations

Whenever I need dance inspiration or have dancers “block” I have always researched and watched Alvin Ailey dances. Years ago I have had the pleasure of seeing them in a live performance at the University of Buffalo. But every now and then I pop in a DVD or watch them on You Tube. And believe me it is truly healing for the soul.

Me in dance mode!

The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater’s epic performance “Revelations” takes you on a journey through slavery to freedom in a series of dance pieces. This performance has been respected and loved by all generations throughout the world as it explores the hardships and victories that African-Americans faced in history. Revelations breaks the racial barriers and has been replicated and studied by many other dance schools and companies.

Django Unchained from The Odd Black Girls perspective

This my good people was my eager Facebook status update on Djano Unchained on the drive home from the movie (I was in the passenger seat!No texting and driving okay!):

       

Disclaimer :I'm not here to dissect the whole film but to simply express MY thoughts and views. What instantly comes to my mind. No essay here! I am not a movie critic nor a historian. Oh and I realized I spelled Tarantino's name incorrectly in my Facebook Stat lol.

I had no interest in seeing this film at first whatsoever. But I gave in! To the controversy that is.

Let's be honest folks, this movie is clearly is not for everyone. While I sat in the movie theatre I saw at least one interracial couple and a black couple walk out in the middle of film mumbling "I can't watch this". Using swear words of course.

Maybe it was the flat out use of the N-word, the shackles on whipped scarred black men , the crude humor and characters, the pitiful run down looking black folks, the unusual random humor about KKK head sheets.... just to name a few. Roots on steroids maybe? Just maybe? Where is Levar Burton?

8 songs to Encourage the hurting soul

As we all know life can really be tough....the hurts.... the disappointments... ..trials and tribulations.  But GOOD music can bring a sense of comfort and uplift our spirit through our most darkest days.

 I chose 8 songs because biblically the number 8 is the number of new birth and new beginnings! So here are just few songs that speak to my soul and I pray it does the same for you! God Bless and enjoy.........He loves you so....

The line up:

Dearly Loved-Jimmy Needham
Most of All-Forever Jones
Our God is Greater- Chris Tomlin
Closest Friend- Men of Standard
The Battle is not Yours- Yolanda Adams
I'll make it-Hezekiah Walker & LFCC ft John P. Kee
Imperfect Hallelu-Ashmont Hill
Freedom-Eddie James


What songs encourage you or get you through hard times?

5 Biblical Reasons you should be yourself

Be yourself. Yup that's what you always hear when you go for a job interview....audition or even a first date. As cliche as it sounds it's true and lets face it, it's less exhausting then putting up a facade.

In a mainstream world, where people tend follow whats trendy, I find it commendable when a person takes a stand and be the best THEM that they can be. Whether it's personality,talents/gifts, interests/hobbies and morals don't be ashamed to just be you.

Here are a few encouraging Bible verses that emphasizes in being unique!

Psalm 139:14-16 ESV    
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.